One year

I reached an especially low point last night when I suggested to John-Mark that we throw a party now that we've entered into the elite group of the "infertile"--"not many people are able to get to this point", I said. Not surprisingly, it didn't help matters.

The psychological and emotional trauma that we go through on this special day that seems to show up, without fail, every month is like nothing I've ever experienced. Life is generally so happy, but on this day, feelings of fear, depression, and uncertainty absolutely overwhelm me.

I wish it wasn't this way.

Tonight I miss my Dad

I'm trying a new whole wheat bread recipe. I found in on King Arthur's website: http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/100-whole-wheat-nut-and-seed-bread-recipe

It called for sunflower seeds, which I thought would be delish-so I got some sunflower seeds from Mary Jo-with shells-not realizing (1) how long it takes to de-shell 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds, and (2) that you can buy sunflower seeds pre-de-shelled. I finished de-shelling probably a month ago, at least, but haven't found time to actually make the bread.

John-Mark's up in Pittsburgh tonight at the basketball game, so I thought it would be a good time to try out the recipe. But then I realized I wanted to watch the game-which requires a trip to the WVU Law student lounge, since we don't have a tv/cable. So the bread dough came along. I decided to set it on what seemed the warmest place in here-the top of the Coke machine. I started pretty late, though, so I might be up till 1 am waiting for it to rise.

It reminds me of Dad taking his bread dough to church and reaching down mid-sacrament meeting to turn it under the pew. I love his quirks like that, and I miss it. John-Mark and I talked a little last night about where we'd like to be to start work in the fall of 2012...and we don't really know...but I miss my family. Being so busy doesn't allow for a lot of time to dwell on this, but I miss them a lot.

I love how when J-M's away every text he sends ends with "I love you."

I've been trying to decide whether I can start my garden this early, and was excited when I stumbled upon this (not literally, but online):



I'm obsessed with the idea of growing lettuces in a reusable grocery bag. I can see it now, taking them around town with me. On a walk to get some sun. Grocery shopping. At checkout: "Oh, yes, I brought these in with me."

In other news, we're in the student lounge watching Jimmer and the whole BYU basketball team is wearing flourescent purple-pink shoes. And a kid in the crowd is holding a sign that asks, "What would Jimmer do?"

Exodus

...apparently that's the title of a Bob Marley song. John-Mark got a dvd of a Bob Marley concert for the break. I like it.

But the title actually has to do with the book of scripture, not Marley's song. I'm in Jurisprudence this semester, and we were discussing the law given by God to the Hebrews in Exodus. Our professor asked for discussion on why God gave the law and why the Hebrews chose to follow it (if they did). My answer immediately came to my head, though I didn't share it: love. He gave them the law because he loved them, and they followed it because they understood that love and out of deference to their understanding of Him.

But our professor turned to a verse in Chapter 19 of Exodus, when God is explaining how he has brought the Hebrews to that point. He says something to the effect of, "remember what I did to the Egyptians." Our professor used that language to support her statement that the language constituted a threat, and thus the Hebrews obeyed the law out of "duress". If they didn't obey, God said he would do the same thing to them that he did to the Egyptians.

Yes, perhaps the Hebrews obeyed partially out of "fear" for the Lord, but this seemed to me quite an inadequate explanation. While our professor kept stating that she was simply "reading the plain meaning of the text", I felt she was stretching. Evidenced by the fact that Moses comes down from Sinai to find a people who have forgotten their God.

Oh Happy Day

We just turned in our labor law finals! The word limit was 4000 words. Mine was 3999 and J-M's was 3996. I was taking a lot of articles out at the end...needless "the"s and "a"s.

Dawn sent us a package before Thanksgiving break with a holiday elf in it-and a challenge to do good deeds for one another. She suggested that we hide the elf to signify that we've done an act of service-and we find the elf, we'd realize the good deed the other did. A couple of pictures to illustrate-



I found this after J-M cleaned the bathroom for me.

And this was where the rascal was found this morning:



J-M always cleans off the car in the bitter bitter cold every morning. I wanted to surprise him by doing it this morning. I didn't get out there and back without him noticing, but at least I was able to get the little guy grabbing the handle before J-M came outside.

J-M and I have had many a exciting trip to our neighborhood Kroger lately. One of the best was last night...Kroger was having a 10 item mega event. We wanted to get cereal, because we've been eating Malt O Meal free-from-Rite-Aid cereal for awhile and it leaves something to be desired. We also have a box of blueberry special K in the basement that I got for free a year ago-J-M refuses to eat it, which is saying something. We may give it as a White Elephant gift at the Ward Party.

Anyway, Kroger was also having a sale for 50 percent off Kelloggs cereal. Combining that with coupons and the Mega Deal, we got a whole lot of cereal for about a dollar a box. I wanted to post this picture to show Mom how we eat veggies and fruit most of the time-we get the stuff that's going to expire (notice the marked-down price tags). Also, we had a coupon for free fruit when you bought a box of Kelloggs cereal. We bought another box not pictured cause we donated it on our way out. We paid about $17 for everything below. Oh Happy Day!



Sadly, we forgot milk.

And here is our first live Christmas tree. It's small and we love it.

Whistle as you work

I gave the "First Sunday" lesson in Relief Society this past week. After reading Pres. Uchtdorf's message for December in the Ensign, I was thinking a lot about how we can "see" the Savior now.

I came to a partial conclusion that a way to do that is to consecrate our lives to the Savior. Elder Christofferson gave a talk about this, and I've been thinking a lot about one of the ways he says we consecrate our lives: through work.

He quoted Carlyle, someone I know nothing about but someone I would like to learn of someday-because he's quoted constantly.

“All true Work is sacred; in all true Work, were it but true hand-labour, there is something of divineness. Labour, wide as the Earth, has its summit in Heaven."

I think I've felt this all my life. This week is a case in point-we have four finals coming up! We're looking forward to being with family in just a week and a half.

Trial

John-Mark and I have been taking Trial Advocacy this semester-the course culminates in a short version of a full scale trial that the students put on themselves. John-Mark and I were defending a man on trial for both armed robbery and first degree murder. Gabe was able to come up to Morgantown to be our defendant, John Burns. He was fantastic. Although he was declared guilty after our jury of ungrads seeking extra credit deliberated for about 15 minutes (I think they were hungry and ready to leave) our professor mentioned several times to Gabe that "A real jury would never have convicted you."

John-Mark did a great job-so much so that during cross examination, he got the witness to change his story and to agree with John-Mark's line of questioning. This eventually raised an objection from the prosecution..."Your honor, the witness is clearly confused!"

I've been thinking about how to trust myself more, after we finished the process. I think some of the members of the jury noticed pauses before questions I asked, and took this to mean that I lacked confidence. I'm very deliberate. In court, I need to let up. Our professor was speaking to me after trial and compared it to playing chess versus boxing. Communication is a contact sport, he says, and my deliberate movements almost cost me the human aspect of trial.

I made split pea soup last weekend and John-Mark ate it.