Have you ever shot a charging lion?

John-Mark planned a fabulous date for us last night...we had signed up to clean the ward building, so we went over to the Institute after school and cleaned up. This principally means that John-Mark traversed the outskirts of the building, picking up beer cans and cigarette butts. These weren't discarded by our other LDS ward-goers, no, the building happens to be next to some freshman dorms and the Dairy Mart--so the grounds get littered like the rest of campus.

After we cleaned, I played the choir piece we've been working on and John-Mark sang along. We've been doing home evenings lately when we just sign together. I love it. I'm glad I got over my insecurity of singing in front of him.

When we got home we made Spinach feta turkey burgers with grilled onions, sundried tomatoes, and mango chutney on top. I ground up the meat/spinach/cheese/garlic in the Cuisinart, which worked wonderfully, except I wasn't prepared for the meat to turn as green as it did. It looked somewhat unappetizing, but you couldn't really tell once they were cooked and brown a little bit. I've been trying to make our "meat" meals especially exciting because they don't come around very often. We've only been eating meat probably twice a week now. It's healthier, less expensive, and best of all, I don't think J-M minds too much. Instead of chicken and cream of something dishes (I was thinking of this while reading the NY Times article on traditional Mormon cooking this week) we've been having things like sweet potato and black bean burritos. And cooking has become something we share together. John-Mark is somewhat of an impurist--he put both mango chutney and ketchup on his burger--but I love that he helps me cook and encourages me to make "hippie food".

After dinner we popped popcorn on the new airpopper. Though it of course set off our kitchen fire alarm, (which currently is triggered by a piece of bread toasting in the toaster--it's perplexing) it was brilliant! I had an impulse to pour several cups of kernels in just to watch them pop. Then we pushed the two couches together to make a fort and watched Midnight in Paris, which made us both giggle. Ernest Hemingway's dialogue was the best part.

One year

I reached an especially low point last night when I suggested to John-Mark that we throw a party now that we've entered into the elite group of the "infertile"--"not many people are able to get to this point", I said. Not surprisingly, it didn't help matters.

The psychological and emotional trauma that we go through on this special day that seems to show up, without fail, every month is like nothing I've ever experienced. Life is generally so happy, but on this day, feelings of fear, depression, and uncertainty absolutely overwhelm me.

I wish it wasn't this way.

Tonight I miss my Dad

I'm trying a new whole wheat bread recipe. I found in on King Arthur's website: http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/100-whole-wheat-nut-and-seed-bread-recipe

It called for sunflower seeds, which I thought would be delish-so I got some sunflower seeds from Mary Jo-with shells-not realizing (1) how long it takes to de-shell 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds, and (2) that you can buy sunflower seeds pre-de-shelled. I finished de-shelling probably a month ago, at least, but haven't found time to actually make the bread.

John-Mark's up in Pittsburgh tonight at the basketball game, so I thought it would be a good time to try out the recipe. But then I realized I wanted to watch the game-which requires a trip to the WVU Law student lounge, since we don't have a tv/cable. So the bread dough came along. I decided to set it on what seemed the warmest place in here-the top of the Coke machine. I started pretty late, though, so I might be up till 1 am waiting for it to rise.

It reminds me of Dad taking his bread dough to church and reaching down mid-sacrament meeting to turn it under the pew. I love his quirks like that, and I miss it. John-Mark and I talked a little last night about where we'd like to be to start work in the fall of 2012...and we don't really know...but I miss my family. Being so busy doesn't allow for a lot of time to dwell on this, but I miss them a lot.

I love how when J-M's away every text he sends ends with "I love you."

I've been trying to decide whether I can start my garden this early, and was excited when I stumbled upon this (not literally, but online):



I'm obsessed with the idea of growing lettuces in a reusable grocery bag. I can see it now, taking them around town with me. On a walk to get some sun. Grocery shopping. At checkout: "Oh, yes, I brought these in with me."

In other news, we're in the student lounge watching Jimmer and the whole BYU basketball team is wearing flourescent purple-pink shoes. And a kid in the crowd is holding a sign that asks, "What would Jimmer do?"

Exodus

...apparently that's the title of a Bob Marley song. John-Mark got a dvd of a Bob Marley concert for the break. I like it.

But the title actually has to do with the book of scripture, not Marley's song. I'm in Jurisprudence this semester, and we were discussing the law given by God to the Hebrews in Exodus. Our professor asked for discussion on why God gave the law and why the Hebrews chose to follow it (if they did). My answer immediately came to my head, though I didn't share it: love. He gave them the law because he loved them, and they followed it because they understood that love and out of deference to their understanding of Him.

But our professor turned to a verse in Chapter 19 of Exodus, when God is explaining how he has brought the Hebrews to that point. He says something to the effect of, "remember what I did to the Egyptians." Our professor used that language to support her statement that the language constituted a threat, and thus the Hebrews obeyed the law out of "duress". If they didn't obey, God said he would do the same thing to them that he did to the Egyptians.

Yes, perhaps the Hebrews obeyed partially out of "fear" for the Lord, but this seemed to me quite an inadequate explanation. While our professor kept stating that she was simply "reading the plain meaning of the text", I felt she was stretching. Evidenced by the fact that Moses comes down from Sinai to find a people who have forgotten their God.

Oh Happy Day

We just turned in our labor law finals! The word limit was 4000 words. Mine was 3999 and J-M's was 3996. I was taking a lot of articles out at the end...needless "the"s and "a"s.

Dawn sent us a package before Thanksgiving break with a holiday elf in it-and a challenge to do good deeds for one another. She suggested that we hide the elf to signify that we've done an act of service-and we find the elf, we'd realize the good deed the other did. A couple of pictures to illustrate-



I found this after J-M cleaned the bathroom for me.

And this was where the rascal was found this morning:



J-M always cleans off the car in the bitter bitter cold every morning. I wanted to surprise him by doing it this morning. I didn't get out there and back without him noticing, but at least I was able to get the little guy grabbing the handle before J-M came outside.

J-M and I have had many a exciting trip to our neighborhood Kroger lately. One of the best was last night...Kroger was having a 10 item mega event. We wanted to get cereal, because we've been eating Malt O Meal free-from-Rite-Aid cereal for awhile and it leaves something to be desired. We also have a box of blueberry special K in the basement that I got for free a year ago-J-M refuses to eat it, which is saying something. We may give it as a White Elephant gift at the Ward Party.

Anyway, Kroger was also having a sale for 50 percent off Kelloggs cereal. Combining that with coupons and the Mega Deal, we got a whole lot of cereal for about a dollar a box. I wanted to post this picture to show Mom how we eat veggies and fruit most of the time-we get the stuff that's going to expire (notice the marked-down price tags). Also, we had a coupon for free fruit when you bought a box of Kelloggs cereal. We bought another box not pictured cause we donated it on our way out. We paid about $17 for everything below. Oh Happy Day!



Sadly, we forgot milk.

And here is our first live Christmas tree. It's small and we love it.

Whistle as you work

I gave the "First Sunday" lesson in Relief Society this past week. After reading Pres. Uchtdorf's message for December in the Ensign, I was thinking a lot about how we can "see" the Savior now.

I came to a partial conclusion that a way to do that is to consecrate our lives to the Savior. Elder Christofferson gave a talk about this, and I've been thinking a lot about one of the ways he says we consecrate our lives: through work.

He quoted Carlyle, someone I know nothing about but someone I would like to learn of someday-because he's quoted constantly.

“All true Work is sacred; in all true Work, were it but true hand-labour, there is something of divineness. Labour, wide as the Earth, has its summit in Heaven."

I think I've felt this all my life. This week is a case in point-we have four finals coming up! We're looking forward to being with family in just a week and a half.

Trial

John-Mark and I have been taking Trial Advocacy this semester-the course culminates in a short version of a full scale trial that the students put on themselves. John-Mark and I were defending a man on trial for both armed robbery and first degree murder. Gabe was able to come up to Morgantown to be our defendant, John Burns. He was fantastic. Although he was declared guilty after our jury of ungrads seeking extra credit deliberated for about 15 minutes (I think they were hungry and ready to leave) our professor mentioned several times to Gabe that "A real jury would never have convicted you."

John-Mark did a great job-so much so that during cross examination, he got the witness to change his story and to agree with John-Mark's line of questioning. This eventually raised an objection from the prosecution..."Your honor, the witness is clearly confused!"

I've been thinking about how to trust myself more, after we finished the process. I think some of the members of the jury noticed pauses before questions I asked, and took this to mean that I lacked confidence. I'm very deliberate. In court, I need to let up. Our professor was speaking to me after trial and compared it to playing chess versus boxing. Communication is a contact sport, he says, and my deliberate movements almost cost me the human aspect of trial.

I made split pea soup last weekend and John-Mark ate it.

Visitors!

The Marissa Worsham and the Christina Pace are visiting us for the weekend from Utah. It's been "a treat, a real treat" (in the words of Robin Hood). John-Mark and I talked to them at Rachel's reception, where they told us that they'd love to come visit. We didn't really believe them, I suppose, probably because Marissa's about to leave on a mission and Christina basically lives in Asia. But it has been so fun to have family visit! They've kindly helped me use up the rest of our zucchini as we've gone through several loaves of Diane Pennington's chocolate zucchini cake (so good!). We've had a great time. I love you both!!

Back to school

On-campus interviews started this week at school. I think between John-Mark and me, we had about 20. He has more next week-I forgot to sign up for those-so I'm finished for awhile. The best part of the whole process was a particularly awkward interviewing moment when the interviewer stopped me mid-sentence and said, "You know, you seem like a pretty nice person. Friendly. Outgoing. You really think you could make someone feel uncomfortable in a deposition?" I stared at him. He leaned back in his chair. "Make me feel uncomfortable. Right now."

Oh-kay...

Next time I'll go into the interview in intimidating-defense-lawyer mode.

We've been assigned the same study carrels as we had last year. So nice to be back.

Close Quarters

When John-Mark and I were in Ogden over Christmas break, I picked up a book of Dad's called "Nighttime Parenting". It was written by a pediatrician, William Sears, who suggested different ways of infant/parent bonding that may help a young child to sleep better. He advocated sleeping in the same bed as the infant-and this surprised me, because of the danger that a parent may roll over accidently during the night. I laughed with John-Mark about it because Sears suggests that if the parents don't have a big enough bed, perhaps the father can sleep on the couch for a couple of years.

Well, this approach-should we consider using it the future-seems, if nothing else, more feasible recently. While we've been moving our apartment around, John-Mark and I have been sharing a twin mattress with great success. At first we had it pushed against the wall and I'd kind of turn on my side and lean into the wall to give John-Mark some space. Last week, though, we moved the bed away from the wall and still, neither of us have fallen off. It's come close a few times, and I wouldn't say that we exactly have room to spread out, but we've been getting great sleep.

So at least until a babe comes around, John-Mark and I have been enjoying bonding time with eachother as we hang precariously off the edges of the twin bed.

How Grows the Garden?

Trying to make my father proud, I placed a few seeds in each spot of my seed starting kit. The result---15 tomato plants, 10 bell pepper plants, 2 jalepeno plants, and 10 struggling strawberry seedlings. After they all came up, I realized that John-Mark and I may be the only ones in the Atkinson household this summer that care for tomatoes. Any other takers? Tristan? I can at least feed the neighborhood deer.

I'm counting on Benson's help with the strawberries.

Dad told me that I needed to get the seedlings some light as soon as they came up-so J-M and I spent far to much time selecting the right lightbulbs at Lowe's and then set the whole thing up over the microwave. I grew concerned that the micro waves weren't doing good things for them, though, so they've since been moved under the TV.

Fredette is the Truth

Does Lloyd Jr's new haircut count as an extreme hairstyle? Either way, I'm a fan. March Madness is the best time of the year at our place-John-Mark and I currently find ourselves in one of WVU Law's classrooms, watching BYU get blown out on our lap tops.

Some people think it an indication of great things to come that they were born under a particular zodiac sign...with J-M, he was able to start out on a path of destiny because he was born during the height of the Madness. If I'm not able to plan anything exciting for his birthday, I can let it go knowing that he'd probably rather be watching basketball anyway.

The "life lessons" John-Mark is able to glean from the game of basketball astound me. I'm currently learning to cheer for the underdog-whether it wrecks my bracket or not. John-Mark had Kansas winning like everyone else (with the exception of .4% of the country, I hear) tonight, yet cheered for Northern Iowa because it's the right thing to do. Selflessness, I tell you. Forget the bracket. Forget personal fame. Cheer for Northern Iowa's 2 days in the spotlight. (This is probably why I've beat him in Bracketology every year since we've met, but still...point taken, J-M).

Real Life Interview

During the last few weeks at the law school, the dress code seems to have changed-sweat pants have morphed into suit pants and polished shoes, ties and collared shirts have replaced wrinkled T shirts (except for J-M on Fridays...he's started playing basketball after class, and shows up to Property ready to hit the gym). Along with the regular course load, many of the 1Ls have been preparing for interviews. Whenever someone arrives to class in a suit now, the question has become "Oh, do you have a real life interview?"

I had a mock interview with Career Services last week. The interviewer gave me some interesting feedback..."You're introspective," she said. "You know yourself." I've been thinking about whether that's true. I've been asked twice this week by professors what I think of a case and whether I think the argument was justified. Maybe it seems strange, but I so often have my hands full trying to figure out what the court thinks that I pay little attention to my own opinions. But now that I have an excuse---I've thought a little. About my thoughts. A simple exercise, but one I haven't engaged in much lately.

I love restocking the grimy beverages at the College of Law bookstore.
I think there's no better feeling than washing my hands vigorously after restocking beverages and seeing the water running off them turn a tinted brown. It's the simplest way to get a feeling of accomplishment, a job well done-getting messy and cleaning up.
If you go to law school-go with your spouse-or with your best friend, anyone who knows you well and is in it with you for the long haul---because if I'm going to be stuck in a study carrel until 7 every night, I want to know the person on the other side of that carrel, and know that it's hard for him too. And that we can laugh at things together when we finally go home.

Heading South---to the Future

We were scheduled to leave Skagway on the morning of August 3rd. We woke up that morning to the thickest smoke we'd seen yet that summer. We'd had such warm weather that we could often see and smell the smoke that had drifted over from the Yukon, but that morning was especially bad. So bad that when we arrived at Wings of Alaska, we were informed that none of the pilots were going to fly in through the smoke. Long story short, we were stuck in Skagway until the smoke cleared. Instantly my mind was filled with worst case scenarios...we have a plane to catch in Juneau! My brother's wedding is next week! Disgruntled, I left with John-Mark to play tourist as we wandered off to kill time by wandering through downtown Skagway.

Later that day, one brave pilot punched through the smoke clouds with his 6 passenger plane and we were able to finally escape. As anxious as I was that afternoon, I've reflected since that being stuck in that "airport" gave me one last chance to learn what Alaska had tried to teach us all summer...although the "lower 48" maintain a different pace, many Alaskans remember that they aren't tied to schedules and to due dates. In the 4 by 22 blocks of Skagway, John-Mark and I used the summer to slow down.

Our pristine "motor coaches" also wouldn't travel up the Klondike Highway at speeds greater than 10 MPH when fully loaded-another thing that helped us to take things slow. Real slow.

Wild and Wonderful

When we started sending in our law school applications I used to joke with John-Mark that we should just send in one- to WVU. I'm not sure why I seemed to know that this is where we'd end uup- maybe because it seemed fair. We've been four years in Provo, and it seemed appropriate to balance the scales by going back home. When I first visited the Atkinsons in West Virginia in 2007, my experience there showed me a unity that I'd never experienced before. From the way that his family loved eachother and seemed so content to lie on the living room carpet and play Skipbo, to the choruses at family barbeques of "Take me home, country roads": I was astounded that at times West Virginia seemed so removed from the rest of the world, but at the same time that was the way it should be. While it was initially strange to be part of the group rendition of "She'll be comin' round the mountain", it was a simplicity that I loved and instantly seemed familiar to me.

I think that Mom had the same experience when she visited West Virginia last August after we were married. After church on Sunday I found her in tears, surprised and moved by the love that was there- both in the ward and in the Atkinson family. I'm scared to move across the country to an unfamiliar place, but I'm learning to rely on my own experience rather than these fears. John-Mark's presence helps to bring peace to me, and I keep reminding myself that if West Virginia produced him, it can only do great things for me.