I reached an especially low point last night when I suggested to John-Mark that we throw a party now that we've entered into the elite group of the "infertile"--"not many people are able to get to this point", I said. Not surprisingly, it didn't help matters.
The psychological and emotional trauma that we go through on this special day that seems to show up, without fail, every month is like nothing I've ever experienced. Life is generally so happy, but on this day, feelings of fear, depression, and uncertainty absolutely overwhelm me.
I wish it wasn't this way.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tonight I miss my Dad
I'm trying a new whole wheat bread recipe. I found in on King Arthur's website: http://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/100-whole-wheat-nut-and-seed-bread-recipe
It called for sunflower seeds, which I thought would be delish-so I got some sunflower seeds from Mary Jo-with shells-not realizing (1) how long it takes to de-shell 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds, and (2) that you can buy sunflower seeds pre-de-shelled. I finished de-shelling probably a month ago, at least, but haven't found time to actually make the bread.
John-Mark's up in Pittsburgh tonight at the basketball game, so I thought it would be a good time to try out the recipe. But then I realized I wanted to watch the game-which requires a trip to the WVU Law student lounge, since we don't have a tv/cable. So the bread dough came along. I decided to set it on what seemed the warmest place in here-the top of the Coke machine. I started pretty late, though, so I might be up till 1 am waiting for it to rise.
It reminds me of Dad taking his bread dough to church and reaching down mid-sacrament meeting to turn it under the pew. I love his quirks like that, and I miss it. John-Mark and I talked a little last night about where we'd like to be to start work in the fall of 2012...and we don't really know...but I miss my family. Being so busy doesn't allow for a lot of time to dwell on this, but I miss them a lot.
I love how when J-M's away every text he sends ends with "I love you."
It called for sunflower seeds, which I thought would be delish-so I got some sunflower seeds from Mary Jo-with shells-not realizing (1) how long it takes to de-shell 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds, and (2) that you can buy sunflower seeds pre-de-shelled. I finished de-shelling probably a month ago, at least, but haven't found time to actually make the bread.
John-Mark's up in Pittsburgh tonight at the basketball game, so I thought it would be a good time to try out the recipe. But then I realized I wanted to watch the game-which requires a trip to the WVU Law student lounge, since we don't have a tv/cable. So the bread dough came along. I decided to set it on what seemed the warmest place in here-the top of the Coke machine. I started pretty late, though, so I might be up till 1 am waiting for it to rise.
It reminds me of Dad taking his bread dough to church and reaching down mid-sacrament meeting to turn it under the pew. I love his quirks like that, and I miss it. John-Mark and I talked a little last night about where we'd like to be to start work in the fall of 2012...and we don't really know...but I miss my family. Being so busy doesn't allow for a lot of time to dwell on this, but I miss them a lot.
I love how when J-M's away every text he sends ends with "I love you."
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I've been trying to decide whether I can start my garden this early, and was excited when I stumbled upon this (not literally, but online):
I'm obsessed with the idea of growing lettuces in a reusable grocery bag. I can see it now, taking them around town with me. On a walk to get some sun. Grocery shopping. At checkout: "Oh, yes, I brought these in with me."
In other news, we're in the student lounge watching Jimmer and the whole BYU basketball team is wearing flourescent purple-pink shoes. And a kid in the crowd is holding a sign that asks, "What would Jimmer do?"
I'm obsessed with the idea of growing lettuces in a reusable grocery bag. I can see it now, taking them around town with me. On a walk to get some sun. Grocery shopping. At checkout: "Oh, yes, I brought these in with me."
In other news, we're in the student lounge watching Jimmer and the whole BYU basketball team is wearing flourescent purple-pink shoes. And a kid in the crowd is holding a sign that asks, "What would Jimmer do?"
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Exodus
...apparently that's the title of a Bob Marley song. John-Mark got a dvd of a Bob Marley concert for the break. I like it.
But the title actually has to do with the book of scripture, not Marley's song. I'm in Jurisprudence this semester, and we were discussing the law given by God to the Hebrews in Exodus. Our professor asked for discussion on why God gave the law and why the Hebrews chose to follow it (if they did). My answer immediately came to my head, though I didn't share it: love. He gave them the law because he loved them, and they followed it because they understood that love and out of deference to their understanding of Him.
But our professor turned to a verse in Chapter 19 of Exodus, when God is explaining how he has brought the Hebrews to that point. He says something to the effect of, "remember what I did to the Egyptians." Our professor used that language to support her statement that the language constituted a threat, and thus the Hebrews obeyed the law out of "duress". If they didn't obey, God said he would do the same thing to them that he did to the Egyptians.
Yes, perhaps the Hebrews obeyed partially out of "fear" for the Lord, but this seemed to me quite an inadequate explanation. While our professor kept stating that she was simply "reading the plain meaning of the text", I felt she was stretching. Evidenced by the fact that Moses comes down from Sinai to find a people who have forgotten their God.
But the title actually has to do with the book of scripture, not Marley's song. I'm in Jurisprudence this semester, and we were discussing the law given by God to the Hebrews in Exodus. Our professor asked for discussion on why God gave the law and why the Hebrews chose to follow it (if they did). My answer immediately came to my head, though I didn't share it: love. He gave them the law because he loved them, and they followed it because they understood that love and out of deference to their understanding of Him.
But our professor turned to a verse in Chapter 19 of Exodus, when God is explaining how he has brought the Hebrews to that point. He says something to the effect of, "remember what I did to the Egyptians." Our professor used that language to support her statement that the language constituted a threat, and thus the Hebrews obeyed the law out of "duress". If they didn't obey, God said he would do the same thing to them that he did to the Egyptians.
Yes, perhaps the Hebrews obeyed partially out of "fear" for the Lord, but this seemed to me quite an inadequate explanation. While our professor kept stating that she was simply "reading the plain meaning of the text", I felt she was stretching. Evidenced by the fact that Moses comes down from Sinai to find a people who have forgotten their God.
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